IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT ANN

In all, I’m glad that conservatives are starting to make more movies, for they only help prove that art is best left to those with a sense of style.

DAYS OF THUNDER

Jesus H. Christ in a Deep Fryer, Tom Cruise’s character is named Cole Trickle!

HOSTAGE

We just get shortchanged by what could have been a really fine film.

IMPACT: THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST

One of the least competent documentaries ever made, Tim Chey’s Impact: The Passion of the Christ would be deeply troubling if it weren’t so damn pathetic.

ABOVE THE LAW

Who scooped Gary Webb? Steven Seagal! STEVAN SEAGAL!

THE EVIL THAT MEN DO

What can be said about a film that features a shuddering, sweaty, naked man before the opening credits are even finished?

THE FORGOTTEN

Feeling very much like an X-Files episode writ large for the big screen, The Forgotten is forty-five minutes too long and all too easily forgotten.

IRREVERSIBLE

How much of the film is art and how much is some Euro realizing he can make a name for himself by throwing a couple of schlongs on the screen?

CYBORG

Joining Van Damme in the gay parade are gang members who wear mink stoles, sleeveless vests, and more glaze than J.C. himself.

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (2006)

And what about the violence? Interestingly, it is both cathartic and orgasmic.