SHARKY’S MACHINE

“Nobody leans on Sharky’s Machine.”

TANGO & CASH

Tango, Cash, and man-ass.

THEY LIVE

Piper takes off his shirt, dampens his chest and the wife and kids are never mentioned again.

TOY SOLDIERS

This film is practically Tiger Beat writ large.

UNDER SIEGE

Tagline: None listed. Really. Boo. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Villains overrun ship, Seagal transforms from cook to butcher. Homoeroticism: OK. I have to go into stupid chief mode here: Chief Schulte: Seagal!! Get in here! Seagal: Yes sir. Chief Schulte: You mind telling me what the hell you think […]

CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2

A page is borrowed from Leni Riefenstahl in this ode to unchecked breeding.

THE RINGER

American Velvet.

MARLON BRANDO-RIP

And as we all know, he has been largely irrelevant as an actor in recent years, more famous for his pathological brood than anything…

PAT GARRETT & BILLY THE KID

In contrast, Billy is of the past; a dying symbol of an age without borders, limits, or legal restraints.

HORSEMEN OF THE ESOPHAGUS

I love, or rather, live to eat. While recent years have witnessed an embrace of more elitist fare, Iím still a sucker for heart-stopping…