THE ABCs OF DRUNKENNESS

Moderation: The Drunk’s Three-Minute Mile.

THE BEASTMASTER – Film Review

Beastmaster could be a missing book of the Old Testament—why yes, it’s that stupid.

THINGS THAT GO BUMP ON THE SHAFT

Maybe people wouldn’t hate Jews so much if they didn’t instantly associate them with penile mutilation.

PASSION OF THE CHRIST, THE

I spent, actually sub-squandered, two hours of my life watching a man have his Birthday Suit made cordouroy, get some speed holes

TLC AND DISCOVERY CHANNEL FREAK SHOWS

  Learning. When we see this word, it conjures up images of people slumped over books or staring glassy-eyed at some droning professor long bereft of any passion for the subject matter. But learning encompasses everything, whether it is the fascinating complexities of the natural world or the knowledge that there exists sentient individuals that […]

KARATE KID–THE MISUNDERSTOOD: JOHNNY LAWRENCE

Johnny Lawrence—the timeless bully—handsome, wealthy and rolling deep with sniveling minions eager to knock a nerd…

THE PICK UP ARTIST

Every now and again, when our sensibilities are weakened by a paralyzing hangover and Sunday boredom, the networks will slip a hideous reality show slug into your brain like Kahn Nonnien Singh. These shows don’t really seek to amuse as much as they seek to annoy and apparently, being annoyed passes for entertainment these days. […]

STUDDING & TURD DUCKIN’: 2007 FANTASY BEASTS & BUSTS–RBS

As another glorious season of NFL looms, so stirs the work productivity vampire known as Fantasy Football.

PLANET FITNESS: NO JUDGMENT DAY

I felt like I was entombed in Grimace’s colon.

300

Triumph of the Will(y).