Beetlejuice is a wildly outrageous film made by the great Tim Burton. This is a film that demands multiple viewings to be fully appreciated. Beetlejuice was initially supposed to be a horror movie, but the performances by Michael Keaton as the unhinged bio-exorcist, the unfortunate dead couple, Adam and Barbara, and the whacky trio that […]
A New England couple is dismayed to find death more complicated and chaotic than life.
Film TitleSharknado 3: Oh Hell No!
Giant sharks again fill this air. This time from Washington D.C. to Orlando Florida
DirectorAnthony C. Ferrante
Reviewing any Sharknado movie is an exercise in utter chaos, so for this deep dive (I am truly sorry for the pun) into Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, I will basically just be transcribing my frenzied, disbelieving notes, but cleaned up and tweaked into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or so I hope. I’ve seen three […]
Film TitleThe Northman
A Robert Eggers Viking Epic
The Northman – Alexander Skarsgard is tight. My main goal in writing film reviews is to entertain you while I tell you about a movie. While I can’t even sniff the same comedic galaxy as Pitch Meeting or Honest Trailers, I do my best to come up with jokes to make your read slightly less […]
Meet Arnie. He eats Green Berets for breakfast.
DirectorMark L. Lester
Rae Dawn Chong
David Patrick Kelley
If you’re the sort of guy who dresses his semi-automatic rifle in a see-through negligee just before beddy-byes and snuggles up tight while dreaming about his erect penis turning into the aforementioned weapon and walking butt-naked down the street spraying cock bullets at all those other puny men, then Commando is the one for you. […]
An ambulance in La-La Land
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
“Ambulance” – La-La-Land. It shouldn’t take long into a viewing of Ambulance for you to realize you’re getting a movie that had approximately three minutes of thought put into its screenplay. For reasons that make absolutely no sense, the title highlights the “LA” part, as if it matters even a tiny bit what city this […]
The first real vampire movie ever made is still terrifying
Gustav von Wagenheim
George H. Schnell
It has now been a century since the release of the first real vampire movie, F.W. Murnau’s somewhat loose adaptation of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula. In Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, the names of characters were changed, along with many plot details, and still there was a lawsuit brought by Stoker’s heirs, and a […]
Film TitleThe Mask
A supernatural mask turns a bank clerk into a bizarre Super Hero
It is over-stating the obvious that actor Jim Carrey is an acquired taste. He has a legion of fans that adore him and probably an equal number that find him as annoying as Forrest Gump. Love him or hate him, it cannot be denied that Jim Carrey has some serious, unique talent. Carrey has starred […]
I s’pose there’s only one time I had the shit creeped outta me. Granddad was in a nursing home and one night we got the call that he was on the way out. I went with dad and sat in a room as death came to play. Granddad was wired, unaware of his family alongside […]
Film TitleFantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore
How to make magic boring
We are often faced with choices in life that we wish we could go back and choose again. While walking into the screening of Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, I was presented with a choice of schwag for the film – would I like a movie poster or a reusable, cloth grocery bag? As […]
Film TitleThe Lost City
Pretty Dumb, but no, wait, pretty dumb.
DirectorAaron Nee - Adam Nee
Da'Vine Joy Randolph
“The Lost City” – Pretty, but dumb. No, wait, that’s pretty dumb. Have you ever been to a comedy show or open mic night where the comedian absolutely bombed? That’s what The Lost City is, but with a little bit of silly action and a lot of hammy acting. I’m not saying it is completely […]