The Boogeyman (2023)

Film Title

The Boogeyman

Synopsis

Reliving childhood fears

Director

Rob Savage

Cast

Sophie Thatcher
David Dastmalchian
Chris Massina
LisaGay Hamilton
Madison Hu
Vivien Lyra Blair

“The Boogeyman” – Reliving childhood fears. My first scary movie was the original Poltergeist. I was around eight years old at the time and my dad thought it would be a good idea to let me watch it. He was wrong. I distinctly remember being terrified by the scene where Robbie is dragged under the […]

The Little Mermaid (2023)

Film Title

The Little Mermaid

Synopsis

A young mermaid trades her voice for legs

Director

Rob Marshall

Cast

Halle Bailey
John Hauer-King
Melissa McCarthy
Javier Bardem
Awkwafina

“The Little Mermaid (2023)” – The Voice. With the release of the live-action remake of The Little Mermaid, Disney will almost assuredly see its last billion-dollar box office remake of a beloved classic. Like The Lion King, Aladdin, and Beauty and the Beast before it, The Little Mermaid will benefit from my generation reminiscing about […]

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3

Film Title

Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3

Synopsis

Come and get your love

Director

James Gunn

Cast

Chris Pratt
Zoe Saldana
Bradley Cooper
Chukwudi Iwuji
Dave Bautista
Vin Diesel
Karen Gillan
Will Poulter

Audiences seem genuinely confused by the current slate of MCU offerings and what to expect going forward. Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness and Black Panther: Wakanda Forever were both quite good. But Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania was only okay, Ms. Marvel was a waste of time, She-Hulk: Attorney at Law did not […]

Assassin’s Creed (2016)

Film Title

Assassin's Creed

Synopsis

A bad review of a really lousy movie

Director

Justin Kurzel

Cast

Michael Fassbender
Marion Cottilard
Jeremy Irons
Brendan Gleeson
Michael K. Williams

Time travel really messes with… Wait. Didn’t I do this all ready? I probably did. But because we are, all of us, inside The Singularity right now, that really doesn’t matter anymore, because out here, things like ‘didn’t’ and ‘here’ are just these outdated concepts from some ancient, brutal, ape-like species, living on some tiny […]

Sisu (2022)

Film Title

Sisu

Synopsis

Silence is Golden

Director

Jalmari Helander

Cast

Jorma Tommila
Mimosa Willamo
Askel Hennie
Jack Doolan
Tatu Sinisalo

“Sisu” – Silence is golden. Aatami (Jorma Tommila), the main character in Sisu, has two lines of dialogue in the film’s entire ninety-minute runtime. Both of them occur at the film’s end and neither of them define the word sisu. According to another character, Aino (Mimosa Willamo), sisu is a Finnish concept that cannot be […]

80’s Action Is No Laughing Matter: Part 2

Chuck Norris in Firewalker Loathed by the critics, Chuck’s first shot at comedy in 1986 was a box-office dud that helped finish off his benefactor Cannon Films. Good work, son. Plusses: I couldn’t really follow the premise, but we end up with two adventurers and a pretty bird trying to find buried treasure in Central […]

80’s Action Is No Laughing Matter: Part One

You’ve heard the sayings. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Variety is the spice of life. A change is as good as a rest. And so on. Well, for most actors it’s straightforward to enjoy a wide range of roles, but action stars do have a tendency to plough the same bullet-ridden furrow. […]

Quasi

Film Title

Quasi

Synopsis

Who wants a hunchback ride?

Director

Kevin Heffernan

Cast

Steve Lemme
Kevin Heffernan
Erik Stolhanske
Jay Chandrasekhar
Paul Soter
Adrianne Palicki

Comedy troupe Broken Lizard has been trying to recapture the magic of their one legitimate hit – Super Troopers – for twenty-two years and five movies. Hoping the sixth time is a charm, they bring us Quasi. As in Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame. And they bring it to us via Hulu. That’s just […]

The Last Hurrah #3: Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler (2008)

Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind, hey Mickey! Was the elfin Toni Basil singing about Mickey Rourke, handsome, talented bastard that he was? Probably not, but after his terrifically understated performance in the 1981 classic Body Heat as a reluctant advice-giving arsonist I guess it’s possible. At that point […]

Renfield

Film Title

Renfield

Synopsis

Renfield is yet another Dracula movie that misses the mark

Director

Chris McKay

Cast

Nicolas Cage
Nicholas Hoult
Awkwafina
Ben Schwartz
Brandon Scott Jones
Camille Chen

“Renfield” – All bite and no bark. Six years ago, Universal Studios attempted to start a franchise called Dark Universe that was supposed to feature a bunch of classic horror characters. The first movie, The Mummy, did exactly what I predicted it would do. Namely, it crushed the franchise in its infancy. With the Dark […]