Batman Ninja (2018)

Film Title

Batman Ninja (2018)

Synopsis

Batman hits a really new low.

Director

A feral monkey

Cast

Who Fucking Cares?

Batman Ninja (2018) Right. Even with the lowest of expectations, this film could not possibly appeal to even the most masturbation-induced brain damaged victims of whatever DC anime cult still exists. This attempt at a movie was so childish and horribly written and displayed that I don’t know who else it could possibly appeal to. […]

Children of Men (2006)

Film Title

Children of Men (2006)

Synopsis

The world becomes infertile and into chaos.

Director

Alfonson Cuaron

Cast

Clive Owen
Julianne Moore
Michael Caine
Chiwetel Ejiofor
Charlie Hunnan
Danny Huston

Children of Men (2006) Cuaron’s Children of Men is one of the few post-apocalyptic nightmares I can believe in. Its dystopian vision of a future world not so far away (its events are set in 2027) rings true from start to finish, and its unrelenting bleakness never reeks of hyperbolic fantasy. This is not a […]

Rampage

Film Title

Rampage

Synopsis

Science happens and animals go boom.

Director

Brad Peyton

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Malin Akerman
Jake Lacy
Naomie Harris
Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Keep it simple, stupid. If you were to make a list of video games you would most like to see adapted into movies, I am guessing that list would include exactly zero classic arcade games. I have never expressed a desire to see a Galaga or Centipede movie on the silver screen nor have I […]

A Quiet Place

Film Title

A Quiet Place

Synopsis

A family is forced to survive in almost total silence as horrific blind aliens hunt by sound alone.

Director

John Krasinski

Cast

Emily Blunt
John Krasinski
Millicent Simmonds
Noah Jupe
Cade Woodward

A Quiet Place I just reviewed another horror movie, Winchester earlier this week. It was dreadful. This week’s movie was a horror/thriller orchestrated by John Krasinski, who also played a lead role alongside his real world wife Emily Blunt. Like I stated in another review, horror is not my movie genre of choice. If Get […]

The Ritual (2017)

Film Title

The Ritual (2017)

Synopsis

A bachelor party takes a menacing turn in the Scandinavian forest.

Director

David Bruckner

Cast

Rafe Spall
Arsher Ali
Robert James-Collier
Sam Troughton
Paul Reid

The Ritual (2017) I only get to watch horror movies by myself. This isn’t out of choice. It’s just that my girlfriend wants nothing to do with anything more terrifying than The Emperor’s New Groove. And in this day and age, you can’t casually phone a pal and ask them round to watch a horror […]

Winchester (2018)

Film Title

Winchester (2018)

Synopsis

A failed attempt to make the Winchester Mansion into a horror movie.

Director

The Spierig Brothers

Cast

Helen Mirren
Sarah Snook
Jason Clarke
Tyler Coppin

Winchester (2018) is a movie that was based on the true story of the heiress to the enormous fortune of the Winchester Rifle Company. The great Helen Mirren plays Sarah Winchester who lived in an ever-expanding creepy mansion that she was convinced was haunted by the ghosts of the humans retired by her dead husband’s […]

A Tribute To Robert Altman

A Tribute To Robert Altman The American cinema never really deserved the likes of Robert Altman, a man who never made the same movie twice, even when detractors accused him of coasting on his reputation. Sure, he largely disappeared in the 1980s (except for the wonderful Secret Honor), and even after his comeback with 1992s […]

Dollman (1991)

Film Title

Dollman (1991)

Synopsis

He’s only got 12 inches on Earth, but he knows how to use them.

Director

Albert Pyun

Cast

Tim Tomerson
Jackie Earl Haley
Frank Collision
Kamala Lopez
Nicholas Guest
Judd Omen
Vincent Klyn

I’ve been meaning to review this movie forever. Dollman was released in 1991, but if any movie begs to be reviewed in the 80’s action format, it is the totally ruthless and bad-assed Tim Thomerson as Brick Bardo in Dollman. I have this movie on Amazon and even have a VHS tape copy of this […]

Ready Player One

Film Title

Ready Player One

Synopsis

A virtual treasure hunt.

Director

Steven Spielberg

Cast

Tye Sheridan
Olivia Cooke
Ben Mendelsohn
Simon Pegg
Lena Waithe
Mark Rylance
T.J. Miller

Whew! If you are not a fan of CGI and think that CGI is ruining film, Ready Player One might kill you. At the very least, it will give you an aneurism or a stroke. Possibly both. If so, you deserve it. I am not quite ready to devote my year-end review to all of […]

Dear Dictator

Film Title

Dear Dictator

Synopsis

A Banana Republic Dictator and a High School brat team up to make one of the worst movies ever.

Director

Lisa Addario, Joe Syracuse

Cast

Michael Caine
Odeya Rush
Katie Holmes
Seth Green
Jason Briggs
Who Cares

Tatiania Mills (Odeya Rush) will dislodge and eat ABC (Already Been Chewed) gum from beneath the water fountain to taunt and gross out her adversaries at school. Sir Michael Caine again does the equivalent to his career by starring in this mindless atrocity. Michael Caine plays a deposed British Caribbean Republic dictator who comes the […]