Skyscraper

Film Title

Skyscraper

Synopsis

Stupid Die Hard.

Director

Rawson Marshall Thurber

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Neve Campbell
Pablo Schreiber
Byron Mann
Chin Han
Tzi Ma
Hannah Quinlivan
Roland Moller
McKenna Roberts
Noah Taylor

It wasn’t me. It was the one-legged man. “It is good to see the Chinese are embracing the shittiest aspects of American cinema, just like us Americans.” – Me, minutes after the conclusion of Skyscraper. Before you start furiously typing a comment about how Skyscraper is not meant to be an Oscar winner, I know. […]

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Film Title

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Synopsis

Wasp shows Ant-Man how to kick some quantum ass.

Director

Peyton Reed

Cast

Paul Rudd
Evangeline Lilly
Hannah John-Kamen
Michael Douglas
Michelle Pfeiffer
Laurence Fishburne
Walton Goggins
Michael Pena
Judy Greer
Bobby Cannavale
Abby Ryder Forston

Back to the future. With the box office disappointment of Solo: A Star Wars Story, Disney executives are freaking out. Star Wars has reliably been a billion-dollar-per-movie enterprise since Disney purchased Lucasfilm, and anything less is the equivalent of the New England Patriots failing to win the Super Bowl. In other words, completely unacceptable. Heads […]

Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Film Title

Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Synopsis

Does anyone even remember what a Sicario is?

Director

Stefano Sollima

Cast

Josh Brolin
Benicio del Toro
Isabela Moner
Catherine Keener
Jeffrey Donovan
Matthew Modine
Manuel Garcia-Rulfo
Elijah Rodriguez

Whistling at dogs. Note to readers: I have tried to keep politics out of my movie reviews, but when viewing Sicario: Day of the Soldado, the film’s politics are impossible to ignore given recent events. Thus, it is impossible not to write about politics here. A list of current events in the United States includes: […]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

This time we light the bird’s ancestors on fire

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is 2 hrs 8 minutes, PG-13 for maiming and people get used as chew toys Basic Concept: Jurassic Park, except this time we light the dinosaurs on fire. What? There’s a volcano erupting on the Jurassic Park island, and so, you have a lot of stampeding dinosaurs that may also be […]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

Finding news way to suck the fun out of dinosaurs.

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

How to train your dinosaur (or, A steaming pile). “I am never mad at the end of movies. All I wanted from this movie was to be entertained and it could not even do that. And, I liked A Wrinkle in Time. Well, at least until I started thinking about it.” – My friend, after […]

Incredibles 2

Film Title

Incredibles 2

Synopsis

Mr. Incredible babysits while Elastigirl saves the world

Director

Brad Bird

Cast

Samuel L. Jackson
Holly Hunter
Craig T. Nelson
Sarah Vowell
Bob Odenkirk
Catherine Keener

1 Hour 34 Minutes, G Special Warning: Incredibles 2 has scenes with bright high-intensity flashing patterns that may induce epileptic episodes. Also, this film is chock full of subliminal messages (courtesy of the villain)- if you believe in the effect of subliminals, this is a film to avoid. Fair Value Rating of The Incredibles 2: […]

Hotel Artemis

Film Title

Hotel Artemis

Synopsis

A nurse runs a secret, members-only E. R. for criminals.

Director

Drew Pearce

Cast

Jodie Foster
Sterling K. Brown
Sofia Boutella
Jeff Goldblum
Dave Bautista
Zachary Quinto

Hotel Artemis is likely to be one of the obscure gems of the summer of 2018. Its a wonderful peanut-butter and chocolate combination of genres: cyberpunk and the Grand Hotel genre. Hotel Artemis is a well acted ensemble piece, nimbly juggling multiple sub-plots and capers, making the most of an enclosed and limited set. Give […]

American Animals

Film Title

American Animals

Synopsis

Four privileged kids try to steal rare books and it goes as well as you would guess.

Director

Bart Layton

Cast

Evan Peters
Barry Keoghan
Jared Abrahamson
Blake Jenner
Ann Dowd

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? When I was a kid, my parents watched America’s Most Wanted with John Walsh. Episodes featured cheap reenactments of crimes committed by featured suspects to give the audience something to watch besides Mr. Walsh talking, even though that something to watch had the cinematic quality of anthropomorphic finger […]

Deadpool 2

Film Title

Deadpool 2

Synopsis

Yes, Josh Brolin is the Bad Guy in this movie.

Director

David Leitch

Cast

Ryan Reynolds
Josh Brolin
Morena Baccarin
Julian Dennison
Zazie Beetz
T. J. Miller

Is this film worth my time?Deadpool 2 is middle level lowbrow action comedy for middle-schoolers and muddled stoners alike.If you’re cool spending your time with 3rd– rate live action South Park, who am I to judge? Check your brain at the door. 1 Hour 59 Minutes, R for graphic dismemberment, sodomy, tiny genitalia Fair Value […]

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Film Title

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Synopsis

How Han gets his stuff.

Director

Ron Howard

Cast

Alden Ehrenreich
Donald Glover
Emilia Clarke
Woody Harrelson
Thandie Newton
Paul Bettany
Joonas Suotamo
Jon Favreau
Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Sorry, were you hoping to learn something interesting about Han Solo? Benign. Rote. By-the-book. Fine. Adequate. Entertaining enough. All are applicable adjectives to the latest Star Wars movie, Solo: A Star Wars Story. Hell, “A Star Wars Story” is probably the perfect way to describe Solo because it is generic and tells us something we […]