A Cure for Wellness-2 hours, 26 minutes Rated (R) for copious geriatric nudity, graphic dental torture, body horror Tagline: The cure for the human condition is disease Who is this film perfect for? People who wish that Dario Argento had been given a really big Hollywood budget during his prime. A Cure for Wellness is […]
Film TitleA Cure for Wellness
An ambitious young executive is sent to retrieve his company’s CEO from an idyllic but mysterious “wellness center” at a remote location in the Swiss Alps.
Film TitleThe Beckoning Silence (2007)
Joe Simpson from Touching the Void confronts the The North Face of the Eiger
The Docu-Movie Touching the Void is the Godfather of all mountain climbing movies. Just watching this movie turned Roger Ebert into a quivering, blubbering mess. Touching the Void is a Docu-drama based on the calamitous events that occurred when Joe Simpson and Simon Yates attempted to ascend and descend the Siula Grande in Peru. Beyond […]
Film TitleFinding Dory
Another finding a fish story from Disney Pixar
There’s this scene in my head when the board and executives at Disney Pixar meet to discuss the success of Finding Nemo and the possibility of a sequel. It goes something like this: An executive enters the boardroom. Senior, benevolent shareholders are sitting around the table drinking freshly squeezed juices and exchanging kindly grins with […]
Film TitleThe Great Wall
Monsters order dinner from Chinese takeout menu.
I’m not sure how, but I managed to avoid trailers for The Great Wall until the night before the screening. I wasn’t even trying to avoid them, I just hadn’t seen any for this particular movie. Prior to seeing that trailer, I thought The Great Wall was a historical fiction in the vein of Tom […]
Film TitleFist Fight
A terrified horse tries to escape from a demented high school.
I wish someone had punched me in the face when I decided to watch this movie. Even before I said it out loud, just thinking that thought should have caused someone to run through my door and cold-cock me. I knew – KNEW –Fist Fight was going to be a terrible movie after watching the […]
Film TitleInto the Cold: A Journey into the Soul
Sebastian Copeland saves the earth and his vanity by strolling to the North Pole
Some other neglected guy (Keith Heger)
Into the Cold: A Journey into the Soul I really enjoy most documentaries about man v. nature, especially in a cold weather setting. Happy People was one of the most enjoyable and rewarding documentaries ever, and what else would you expect from the great Werner Herzog? Into the Cold: A Journey into the Soul, unlike […]
Film TitleThe Lego Batman Movie
Showing Zach Snyder how to make a good DC Comics movie.
Here’s the truth – I wanted to see The Lego Batman Movie as much as my 4-year old son. We’ve been slowly building a Lego city in our basement over the past year and I love watching his little imagination work. I also love feeling like a kid myself. So this is the perfect movie […]
Film TitleJohn Wick: Chapter 2
Knee shot, head shot. Knee shot, head shot.
It’s been two and a half years since John Wick murdered scores of people over a dead dog and stolen car and I still don’t understand how that movie scored an 85% critic rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It was easily one of the worst written movies of 2014 that somehow got a complete pass because […]
Film TitleThe Space Between Us
Bored Martian teenager acts just like bored Earth teenager – Skyping, ignoring parents, and stealing cars.
My immediate impression of The Space Between Us was it was cute, I guess. That might be the last nice thing I say about this film because I spent the last twenty-four hours realizing that it’s kind of bad. Then I looked up the current Rotten Tomatoes score and…oh. Oh no. 11%? It wasn’t that […]
Meru is the 2015 documentary of 3 men who were the first to conquer the “shark’s fin” rock face of Meru
My attitude towards extreme mountain climbing varies between amazement and admiration for something like Touching the Void, to disdain and disgust at self-important trust fund kids who pollute places like Mt. Everest with their corpses and oxygen bottles. The shark fin of Mt. Meru in the Indian Himalayas has been characterized as the anti-Everest. More […]