>> Rants
Rejected by Maxim II: To Hell With Celebrity Rehab
(Submitted to Maxim, Winter 2007, unpublished)
If anything defines the obscene transformation from a nation of rugged, devil-may-care adventurers to one ...
March 5, 2009
Rejected by Maxim: Fuck Celebrity Rehab
(Submitted to Maxim, Fall 2007, unpublished)
Does rehab help? Does it hurt? Do we care? And will there be tits? Such ...
March 5, 2009
PMS: Radio Salvation
If there is a region of the universe more devoid of intelligent life than sports punditry, may it remain forever ...
March 1, 2009
Glenn Beck: Conservative Bawl Boy
As we second guess ourselves through Obama’s first 100 days, conservatives are falling all over one another swearing allegiance to ...
March 1, 2009
The Ballad of Michael Owen
How England’s most prolific goalscorer for a generation ended the 2008/09 season looking like he was ready for the scrap yard.
February 23, 2009
Death Without Dignity
My profession is to witness and resist the inexorable pull of death. With an armamentarium of medications, I reverse death when it is possible, provide comfort when it is not, and occasionally facilitate its imposition of will on mortal flesh.
February 23, 2009
A NATION OF CHEAPSKATES
If you’re the sort of person who would drive for an hour, wait in line for three more, and stuff yourself in the middle of a shower-free holocaust…
February 5, 2009
THINGS THAT GO BUMP ON THE SHAFT
Maybe people wouldn’t hate Jews so much if they didn’t instantly associate them with penile mutilation.
February 3, 2009