>> Rants

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Rejected by Maxim II: To Hell With Celebrity Rehab

(Submitted to Maxim, Winter 2007, unpublished) If anything defines the obscene transformation from a nation of rugged, devil-may-care adventurers to one ...
By Matt Cale: March 5, 2009
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Rejected by Maxim: Fuck Celebrity Rehab

(Submitted to Maxim, Fall 2007, unpublished) Does rehab help? Does it hurt? Do we care? And will there be tits? Such ...
By Matt Cale: March 5, 2009
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PMS: Radio Salvation

If there is a region of the universe more devoid of intelligent life than sports punditry, may it remain forever ...
By Erich Schulte: March 1, 2009
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Glenn Beck: Conservative Bawl Boy

As we second guess ourselves through Obama’s first 100 days, conservatives are falling all over one another swearing allegiance to ...
By Chester: March 1, 2009
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The Ballad of Michael Owen

How England’s most prolific goalscorer for a generation ended the 2008/09 season looking like he was ready for the scrap yard.

By Bones: February 23, 2009
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Death Without Dignity

My profession is to witness and resist the inexorable pull of death. With an armamentarium of medications, I reverse death when it is possible, provide comfort when it is not, and occasionally facilitate its imposition of will on mortal flesh.

By Alex K.: February 23, 2009
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Diabeetus

The Health Care System Has Diabeetus

By Alex K.: February 23, 2009
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AIR DISASTER THE MUSICAL

“I rely on God…I rely on God…I rely on God.”

By Matt Cale: February 11, 2009
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A NATION OF CHEAPSKATES

If you’re the sort of person who would drive for an hour, wait in line for three more, and stuff yourself in the middle of a shower-free holocaust…

By Matt Cale: February 5, 2009
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THINGS THAT GO BUMP ON THE SHAFT

Maybe people wouldn’t hate Jews so much if they didn’t instantly associate them with penile mutilation.

By Wax: February 3, 2009