Recent Reviews

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The Great Gatsby (1974): Movie Review

by Devon Pack May 16, 2013

The 1974 Gatsby vs. the 2013: Would you rather wince or yawn? Those are your options. One film is engaging but with painful exposition; the other is well acted but as dull as your grandmother’s house.

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The Great Gatsby: Movie Review

by Devon Pack May 11, 2013

We hazed our newest film cricket by making him see the new Gatsby. He describes it as a useful tool for seducing fourteen year old girls, Welcome aboard!

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The 10 Most Ridiculous 90s Hip Hop Album Covers In L. Ron Mexico’s CD Collection

by L. Ron Mexico May 5, 2013

That’s right, these are the College Boyz and they came to say / they rap hot rhymes like every day. The best thing about this album cover is not the flat tops, the denim shirts, or the guy wearing a high school track and field medal, it’s…

Ruthless Classics

THE MUPPET MOVIE (1979)

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The Electric Mayhem shows us that drugs make better musicians. Kermit shows us that failure is a part of success. Piggy shows us that women…

INSIDE POOP: L. RON MEXICO ACTUALLY WORKS AT A SEWAGE TREATMENT FACILITY

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Here, our turds have become one. On a unified, peaceful accord. Insulated selfhood gives way into innate, homogenized harmony. If there was a stubborn turd who refused to evolve…

WAITING FOR SUPERMAN: DEBUNKING ONE OF THE WORST FILMS EVER MADE

THE WORST FILM OF 2010

A free education is not an opportunity of which you take advantage. Rather, it’s an entitlement that should be bestowed upon you, with no effort on your part, even if you actively resist it. The truth is that teachers…

TOP 10 MOST RIDICULOUS BLACK METAL PICS OF ALL TIME

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How Mike got it down to just 10, we will never know

80's Action Favorites

THE 10 MOST AWESOME 80s ACTION DEATHS

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Impaled, eviscerated, immolated, defenestrated, dismembered, decapitated, fustigated, detonated … injected with sperm. We’re like Gilbert and Sullivan over here.

BEST OF THE BEST

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Five top American fighters to face off against five of Korea’s finest Tae Kwon Doe masters in a full-contact tournament. Why? To prove that with a little grit and determination, America can rectify the catastrophe of the Korean War by beating the filthy little slopes…

MARKED FOR DEATH

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This one is just a mess of mixed and/or stupid messages. Seagal is a combatant in the war on drugs, which means that drugs have to be ridiculously vilified. We take a brief and amusing trip into Nancy Reagan’s deluded nightmares…

ROCKY III

ROCKY III

Let’s face it, folks — Rocky and Apollo want to fuck. They always have. Here, in the third installment, they come as close as they ever would to breaking…

COBRA

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First of all, Sly Stallone spends the entire movie wearing the sort of sunglasses worn by Rob Halford in at least a half dozen Judas Priest videos. Add to that a group of terrorists who gather in a swimming pool…

COMMANDO

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More than you could possibly imagine. I mean all the crap about Arnold being Der Gropin’fuhrer was just a rightwing-ruse to distract Californians from the fact that Schwarzenegger has starred in the single gayest movie ever made.