THE INDEFENSIBLE – THE HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS
The Hollywood Knights has been labeled a virtual copy of American Graffitti, which is a fair accusation in that it is a nostalgia trip through the early sixties with a constant soundtrack seemingly lifted whole from AG. There are important differences, however, as AG is a shallow exercise in milking Boomers for cash (a task Lucas would perfect over the next few decades) that reaches awkwardly for profundity as the young protagonists stumble towards adulthood. Hollywood Knights, on the other hand, uses nostalgia as a frame on which to hang dumb jokes, clever pranks, and a welcome helping of T&A ...
SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS
The Slithis is a strange creature, indeed; borne of unchecked seepage from a Venice Beach nuclear power plant and the inbred hillbilly cousin of the Creature from the Black Lagoon, he emerges from a drainage canal early in the A.M. to feast on local denizens. But the charming humanoid monstrosity, who is the most sympathetic character in sight, never fully comes into focus until the third act of Spawn of the Slithis. The masticated dog corpse, discovered by a pair of tykes playing a hilarious game ultra-slow-motion frisbee catch, is but an appetizer for the beast's man course of derilict ...
LET JOY REIGN SUPREME
"Nowhere are Misery, Desperation, and Crime more welcome than here. You, my most loyal subjects, as Louis XIV, my uncle, left you to me, I shall leave you, more numerous still, to Louis XV and his successor. For misery, desperation, and crime are fecund. Enter, and let joy reign supreme!" If you want to examine the decadent insanity possible in the abuse of a monarch's absolute power, you could craft a thoughtful and brutal treatise on the subject, or you could revel in the insanity and have as much fun as the monarch. The director can be as mercurial as a ...
HAYWIRE
Note: above is not taken from the film. The search for images stopped here. The Satanic obsidian eyes of Gina Carano are like twin voids reflecting only the tiniest glimmers of light, revealing nothing within but somehow peering back into us like a Nietzchean abyss. She’s indistinguishable from the character she portrays in Steven Soderbergh’s Haywire, which is an unusual hybrid of his experimental films featuring non-actors (such as Bubble and The Girlfriend Experience) and his star-studded mainstream blockbusters. Here, the guise of a duplicity-wrought espionage yarn riddled with requisite double-crosses and globetrotting is used to examine gender roles in ...
RED TAILS
"Take that, foolish African!" - Line from the film or Lucas to his new audience? During the Second World War, 450 black men were sent into aerial combat, running more than 200 bomber escort missions, and during Red Tails, we feel as though we have seen all 200 in real-time. George Lucas is executive producer, and he has announced that this is his last (except not really) popcorn film. Apparently, it attracted so little interest that Twentieth Century Fox distributed only if Lucas paid for everything. If he were working a corner, that's like paying the clients for the right to call ...
THE INDEFENSIBLE – THE HOLLYWOOD KNIGHTS
The greatest generation deserved that flaming bag of dogshit.
SPAWN OF THE SLITHIS
Revenge of the Eisenhower Era filtered through remedial film school.
HAYWIRE
Don’t strangle me to death with your thighs, or torture me by sitting on my face. Anything but that.
SAVAGE INTRUDER
As Hollywood grinds down its stars, this movie chips away at your sanity.
