• Deep Blue Sea (1999)
  • Brain Eating, Gang Rape and Other Funny Stuff
  • All Hail, King of the Runts!
  • Hey, PE Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!
  • Quills (2000)
Deep Blue Sea (1999) Brain Eating, Gang Rape and Other Funny Stuff All Hail, King of the Runts! Hey, PE Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone! Quills (2000)

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Deep Blue Sea, like the slasher movies it emulates by way of movies like Alien and Predator, is less a compelling narrative than it is a sort of delivery system for gruesome death scenes. And that’s fine. When a movie realizes its ambition, however high or low that ambition may be, it succeeds. It is […]

Brain Eating, Gang Rape and Other Funny Stuff

“I’d walk a mile for a chuckle.” Great line, huh? It comes from 1957’s excellent Sweet Smell of Success. It’s a simple statement that perfectly captures a sense of ennui. In seven short words you get a feel for how the character’s been numbed by the daily grind, how he’s surrounded by unremarkable people and […]

All Hail, King of the Runts!

Great art is one thing, but consistently pumping out the stuff quite another. I mean, how many artists do you love (whether it’s film directors, musicians or, er, sculptors) only to admit a fair chunk of their work is actually pants? Take a fucked-up little bald girl like Sinead O’Connor. Her first two albums are […]

Hey, PE Teacher! Leave Them Kids Alone!

I’ve never quite gotten over my first PE lesson aged eleven at a big school. After surviving a bruising game of rugger in which I was sometimes mistaken for the ball, I tried my best to change back into my uniform and sneak home as the prospect of a group shower at that somewhat self-conscious […]

Quills (2000)

“Why should I love God? He strung up his only son like a side of veal. I shudder to think what he’d do to me.” –The Marquis de Sade I guess that it is pretty obvious by now that I rarely review bad movies (EDITOR’S NOTE: That’s a lie) or even movies that I don’t […]

We Can’t Interfere With People’s Beliefs*

I used to be an ESL teacher and I’ll never forget having a chat with my students about ill health and medicine. A Nepalese woman told the class she once caught a life-threatening fever and was immeasurably grateful to her husband for beating her up. It was one of those blink-a-few-times sort of moment as […]

Venom: Let There Be Carnage

In order to understand how low my expectations were for Venom: Let There Be Carnage, think about some of the movies that have come out this year that should have been entertaining, but absolutely crapped the bed. Without Remorse, Mortal Combat, F9, and Snake Eyes were terrible and that is coming right on the heels […]

Carter v. Shand: Battle of the British Gangsters

There are many people who like to grapple with the Big Questions, such as whether we’re alone in the universe, what happens after death and what celeb has the best tits. Luckily I’m in a position to answer the last one in that God has the best tits because (a he’s Perfection so it stands […]

No Time to Die

“No Time to Die” – The end of an era It has been six long, long years since the last James Bond film (Spectre) graced us with its presence. In fact, those years were so long that I forgot that I created a review format for James Bond films. This is a pleasant surprise for […]

Qu’est-ce que c’est?

Some things are undeniably wrong, such as serving peas and baked beans on the same plate, the South African accent, and Phil Collins singing about homelessness. I guess you could throw serial murder into the same mix, but I’d still argue Another Day in Paradise is a greater crime against humanity. Anyhow, we all like […]

The Addams Family 2

“The Addams Family 2” – Uhhhhhh….naaaaaaah. When I was a kid, I loved watching reruns of the old Addams Family TV show. They made me laugh and I liked the spooky factor. As an adult, I cannot watch reruns of that show. They are terrible. And not terrible in the way of watching them through […]

The Ten-Year Summer Of Jenny

So who’s your dream movie girl? The one who gets your heart pumping? The one so far removed from your mundane existence that if you’re honest you know you’re not worthy to share the same planet. In fact, you’re not even sure such a divine vixen is from Earth. Perhaps God lowered her from the […]

Dulce et Decorum Est… Nah, War Can Be Fun!

On balance, any serious examination of World War Two would have to conclude the Nazis were a tad uncouth, disagreeable even. And yet without their naughty goose-stepping antics across Germany and the rest of Europe, moviedom would be immeasurably poorer. So sure, sixty-odd million people lost their lives during humanity’s worst ever quarrel, but the […]

How to choose the best sim only plans

SIM only plans are becoming more and more popular in Singapore. This is because they are cheaper and also give them the flexibility to switch plans as they wish because they are not tied to a long-term contract. However, the choice that you make when you choose the SIM only plan will determine whether you […]